Posts Tagged ‘trust’

I just finished watching The Effective use of Consequences on my PD 360 account. This video was great as it reminded me of so many ultra-important philosophies when dealing with kids (my own included). Here are some examples:
1. Most kids would rather be seen as behaviour problems than slow learners.
2. There are no punishments, only consequences and consequences are opportunities for learning.

I found the poem below in an email one day.  The subject of the email was “do you read bad poetry”  This was a reflection activity on the relationship between consequences and punishments. After I read it I deepened my belief that we must understand the student’s perspective and stance on consequences and punishments for it to be truly reflective.  Many schools have them.  Detention rooms, Reflection rooms, Room 104, The “Thinking Room”.  What ever you might call yours I ask you, what are they for?  Who do they serve?  Is it effective or is there a better way? 

Reflection Room–author unknown
I have spent too many nights – sleepless,
fighting with you in my head.
I cannot live with it.
Yet each day that it continues
without my action condones it.
My soul hurts
for kids like Kye-
punished for who his parents are,
and where he comes from,
and because he is a bother-  to us.
Kye doesn’t get what he needs.
Kye gets what we think he needs
from our privileged position.
Kye gets our pity,
but not our compassion.
When did we forget-
what it looks like and feels like
-school for Kye?
Maybe we didn’t forget-
maybe we never knew.
When did good intentions
become a battle for control-
Us vs Them? Final SMACKDOWN!
When did being on Kye’s side
mean that I’m not on yours?
Look in the mirror-
I can’t live with the reflection. (room)

I am reminded of so many important learners that have shared their experiences and beliefs with me over the last 6 years.  Todd Whitaker’s stance on relationships and student behaviour-“they need to leave the office happy because hurt people hurt people.”  I think of Kevin Cameron’s empty vessel analogy in reference to students that need “one caring adult in their lives to make a difference.”  Ruby Payne’s work goes without mentioning a single quote just the simple idea that discipline without relationship breeds resentment.  I thought about many things when viewing this segment.  What I thought about the most though was that I wanted my boy to be loved and treated with patience and understanding when he enters school.  And that is why I will extend that same right to all the students I work with.

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The Speed of Trust is the New York Times best seller about “the one thing that changes everything.”  Today I earned a chance to engage with the author (Steven M. R. Covey) on a multi-national conference call.  Starting at 1:00 EST Steven gave a live talk about the nature of his newest book.  As I listened, blogged and tweeted I thought about how all of the elements of his book fit so nicely into the role of the administrator in the creation and cultivation of the Professional Learning Community.  Yesterday at school our Learning Team engaged in a values activity where 60 values were paired down to 3 that the team of 10 had to agree on.  Trust came first.  Clearly in a school setting if trust is high, speed and outcomes will also be high.  I am willing to test this theory with our outcomes, student outcomes.

During the conference call Covey attempted to answer the 700 questions that were submitted to him for the 1 hour session.  He got to 10 of them.  Funny enough my question was posed to him 5th.  How to improve the culture of high trust when trust is extended to upper management yet it is a challenge amoung collegial groups in “subordinate” groups.  His answer was simple:

Formal Leaders need to go first.

1.  Inspire Trust first

2.  Extend Trust next.

This is the job of the leader.  Always modelling trusting relationships.  And then let it build.

Covey’s definition:  Trust=confidence, confidence, the opposite is suspiscion.  Instead of a text book definition he stated “you know it when you feel it.”  The essence of trust comes from others perceptions of your character and your competence.  You must inspire integrity and deliver results.

Why is Trust the new commodity?  Covey states there are 3 major reasons. 

1.  Trust fuels collaboration and is the currency that makes the world go round and relationships develop.   The nature of the current economy has shifted to a collaborative community rather than a competitive market.  This is the essence of the Professional Learning Community.  He states that “Trust is the one thing that changes everything.  It is a performance mulitplier.  Everything is made better by it.  Lack of trust creates a tax on the system.  If you get better at trust it will make you better at collaborating, innovating and engaging people.” 

2.  Trust is not all that you need but it is the foundational piece.  It is the highest leverage piece.  He does not advocate for only focusing on trust but states that is the single most important foundational piece.  (He sounds an awful lot like my Dad.)

3.  We operate increasingly in a low trust world so we must leverage that with high organizational trust.  If you have the ability to create and cultivate trust in a low trust world you have an advantage over all others to create and cultivate even more.

He then chose to answer a number of pre-determined questions:

Q–Why is the book called The Speed of Trust? 

A–You can build it faster than you think.  Once you have it nothing is as fast as the speed of trust.  Without it you have to take many more steps to get to the same end.  Trust goes up and Speed goes up and dividends go up.

Q–How do you demonstrate Trustworthiness as a leader? 

A–Model it.  Credibility is needed so model the behaviours.  People look to your character and competence.  Results plus credibility cultivates trust.  The steps are three fold.  1.  Declare your intent.  2.  Signal your behaviour.  3.  Do what you say you would do!  Tell your organization what you are going to do and then do it.  Talk straight.  Tell the truth.  (Sounds like my Dad)   It is like driving on the highway.  “When you are driving a car and want to turn left, signal a left turn for the people behind you to learn your intent.”  Signalling intent is very important to the relationship.   Just as important as declaring your intent.  But more importantly than all is doing what you say you will do.  Follow through, making and keeping committments.  This builds or trust very quickly.

Q–What about when people on the front lines do not trust eachother? 

A–Trust is reciprocal in nature.  Low trust or high trust perpetuates itself.  Covey’s next book is scheduled to be on the reciprocal nature of trust.   Listen first and involve people in the problem, be transparent so that there are no percieved hidden agendas, talk straight.  People might think “I may not like what I hear but at least I trust it to be the truth.”  Covey states: You must behave your way out of a problem you talked yourself into.  Rather than blaming say “I am responsible” and then fix it.  Time is needed to behave your way out of a situation of eroded trust.  Steve  Barkley Pondered Out Loud on Relational Trust to this effect.

Q–Can you trust too much?

A–Yes, we all call this blind trust.  This is not a valuable technique.  Steven is obviously not an advocate.  He does not advocate blind “lack of trust” either.  Rules and regulations should not be made for 5% of society.  Neither extreme is where you want to be.  A third alternative is “Smart Trust.”  Trust and verify.  Lead with trust and then verify.  If risk is so great (life and death) you may want to verify first but really, leading with trust is the best way to build relationships. 

Steven Covey’s concluding thought was a quote from Confucious as he responded to the question of what made good government:  “Many weapons, Much food and trust.  If you must give up one it must be weapons first, then, if you had to, you must give up food second.  Never give up trust, for without trust we cannot stand.”

Thanks to M.R-R and L.P. for allowing me to use “the office” for this call!

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